Never thought about disability in that way

I am going to make a confession now, I hadn’t thought of myself as a person with a disability until the moment I was told that I am.

I never thought of myself in that way, not until someone else said it.

I know that it may sound strange to you all,but I grew up with the idea that I was like everyone else,just an ordinary kid, curious, friendly ,and doing mischiefs (always up to no good).

It is true that I spent most of my childhood in hospitals,but I was thinking that many other children are like me,and when someone asked me what would you like to be I used to tell them I would like to be a doctor. I didn’t mind what kind of doctor I would be,just to help people.

The perception I had of myself and everything I am was based on the idea that I had a normal childhood. Or so I was thinking. But I was pretty happy , travelling from place to place, meeting new people, travelling with the train (remember one birthday we (my dad and grandma, and I) had to travel to the capital of Bulgaria, and it was snowing, everything was white and was just like in a fairytale.

Later on, I was accepted in school like everyone else, my parents insisted that I had to be in ordinary state school -like everyone else. And I went. I liked it there, I made friends, and I enjoyed the lessons, I always felt at home in school, and late at university. But that’s when I realised that something is different…

I remember I was maybe 6 or 7 years old when I was playing in the playground behind our flat,and I was with friends of mine there, and we were playing hide and seek when one of the women sitting on a bench nearby looked at me and told me with a tone that was far too serious “What are you doing here ,playing around, children like you should stay at home all day , not going out- you can’t even walk properly?!?”.

At first, I was mesmerised, and confused. Everything went silent,and it was just for a second,but it felt like an eternity. It felt like I was looking at a glass and I was seeing something but then someone broke the glass and I was able to see what it is behind. I went home that day, feeling more confused than ever before, not wanting to talk about it , but that woman’s words occupied my mind for days.

Of course, there had been other moments, small moments when I noticed how people behaved differently around me, some of them were more gentle, others became silent and tried to remain polite, others were blunt. But I was not paying attention to them as I hadn’t perceived myself in a different way than the others.

Over the years, I learned to accept that I have a disability, I have a cerebral palsy, I know my abilities and my limitations as well. But that moment, with that woman in the playground, will remain with me forever, it is one of the moments when you realise what is the world in which we live. And in this world, we need more compassion and understanding- we need more knowledge and information, we need to care more, and to be interested in what is happening around us.

I am a firm believer that everyone’s definition of self-worth, and perception of yourself should come within yourself, but when we make our steps in the society, part of that definition is the others, the people with who we interact, the individuals we meet, and the type of interaction we have with one another.

Can we as a society accept disability not as an obstacle to doing something but as an unconventional way to do things?